(This story is set between Dog with Two Bones & Crichton Kicks)

Part One: Chiana & Judy

"So you think I was lost?  Who told you I was lost?  Maybe Im just having a look around?  Ever think that maybe I'm really planning something that just looks like I'm lost?"  Chiana looked at the female.  She was about her own age, but she still had the look of innocence about her.  She wasn't afraid though, that was obvious to anyone with eyes.  So who was she?  Some sort of weirdo who liked following people?

"I think we're both quite lost."  Judy replied.  "I came here with someone.  However he must have wandered off somewhere."

"Is he your boyfriend?  Your husband?  Your sugar daddy?"

"He's the closest thing I've ever had to a father."

"But he likes to get down and dirty on a night?  Calls you his little princess while he's shoving it in you?"

"No, he's not like that at all.  Some nights I wish that we'd... no not really.  Anyway, he's really old, not that he looks it.  He's very spry for his age, if that's his real age.  He's more like a teacher, we explore different planets.  Sometimes he has things to do that he'd rather not have me around for.  Sometimes he has to kill people, a lot of people.  I don't mind that.  I told him so.  Guess who has to bury the bodies though.  I have blisters on my hands from digging too many graves."

"Yeah?  Don't you want to just find a nice guy and frell your brains out?  There's places here you can go for that.  They pay you a lot of money too, they're not so keen on me though.  They dont like girls who take more money than they should."

"I'm really not interested in that sort of thing.  I prefer shopping."

"Why pay for what you can just take?"

"Take?  You mean shoplift?"

"You Sebaceans are too uptight, you need to relax.  Come on, Ill show you how it's done."

Judy followed the strange alien girl.  With any luck she'd pleasethe Master and they could leave this planet long behind.  "I'm called Judy."

"Chiana.  I was hoping to meet someone from the Nebari resistance on this planet but theres no sign of them."

"Resistance?  Are you in a war or something?"

"Kind of, my people hate every other life form in the Universe.  They've engineered a virus that infects other races and at a certain time it will become active and kill billions.  The resistance believes that we should live in peace with our neighbours, trading and stuff like that.  I prefer things a little wilder, if you get my meaning."

"Like stealing?"

"When you have to steal food and water just to stay alive then you dont mind so much about stealing clothes and other things.  Sometimes its fun, just to see how good you are."

"I've got credit cards."  Judy took out her purse.  "No local currency but the Master says that these cards are accepted anywhere."

"Master?  You some sort of slave?"

"No, its just a title.  He doesn't like using his real name.  Guys have some weird ideas."

"Tell me about it.  There was this one guy I was sleeping with and he had our whole life planned out for us.  He wanted us to live on a farm for frells sake.  I'm a city gal, know what I mean?  In the end I had sex with his son and that broke us up."

"How old was the guy?  I'd never go out with anyone who was more than 3 or 4 years older than me, unless he had a really cool car and was a millionaire."

"Hey, theres a couple of cute guys over there."  Chiana pointed towards two Sebacean men.  "We could have sex with them if you dont want to commit any crimes."

"Crime is fine with me."  Judy said quickly.

"Don't you like men?"

"Yes, but I'm not sleeping with one before a third date."

"Who wants that much commitment?  It's just sex, you know, sex.  Nothing romantic, just casual sex."

"Definitely not without dinner and flowers first, not in that order."

"Suit yourself.  I guess a spot of crime is in order.  What you need to do is stand out a mile.  The security guards are trained to spot people being sneaky and suspicious.  So just act loud and casual."

"While ramming my handbag full of skimpy lingerie?"

"If you like that sort of thing, I dont go for that sort of thing myself.  I prefer things like food or things that can be traded for food.  You can sell regular clothing to tourists, tell them its a reminder of their vacation.  What can you do with some flimsy underwear that you dont even feel the warmth from on a cold night?"

"Those guys you wanted to sleep with would appreciate it."

"Those guys arent interested in the wrapping sweetheart."  Chiana put her hand on Judys crotch.  "They only care about whats between our legs."

Judy removed Chianas hand.  "That's disgusting, and offensive to women."

"Hey, chill.  I'm only interested in whats between their legs too.  Youve got a lot to learn about the opposite sex.  It's lucky you met me isn't it?  I can tell you everything you need to know."

"I think I know too much already."  Judy did wonder though.  "I guess it wouldn't harm anyone to just know stuff."

"There, you see how curious you are.  That's because you dont know things, better to find them out from a friend than in hindsight when you're pregnant and wishing you'd listened to the grey girl."

"As long as we dont have to get naked and touch each other.  I'm not into that sort of thing."

"Me neither.  It's never done anything for me.  I prefer guys to girls."

"You've been with another girl?  What was it like?"

"Sure, several times.  Like I said it doesnt do anything for me.  What's the point of it?  You may as well do it alone, at least that way you can get it exactly how you like it and she doesnt storm off in a rage and tear your favourite dress into pieces."

"Sounds harsh."  Judy replied.  "I'm more of a hair puller than a clothes terrorist."

"I got over it.  I left the planet not long after.  My older brother and I managed to escape.  You'd like Nerri, he's like the best big brother a girl can have.  Always looks out for you, always tries to keep you safe but doesnt cramp your style when youre with a guy."

"I've only ever had one boyfriend."

"Just the one?  You're kidding me right?  You've only slept with one guy?"

"We never went that far.  He left me for my former best friend who would go all the way, the slut."

"Sounds like you missed out.  You should have just slept with him, kept him interested in you."

"I was brought up to be a good Catholic, no sex before marriage, always wear skirts that are longer than your knees."

"I thought I had a bad upbringing, at least my folks didnt care when I started having sex.  They were more concerned that I tried to conform more to the state.  I was ten when I lost my virginity."

"Ten?"  Judy nearly broke her neck as her head whipped around to look at Chiana.  "Ten?  I still played with dolls when I was ten."

"The girls on your world cant do it when they reach double figures, age wise?"

"No, not unless they want to star on Ricki Lake or Operah.  I'm nearly seventeen and even though I could if I wanted to Im not ready."

Chiana grabbed Judy's hand.  "Well sort this out right now.  You can thank me afterwards."  She gave Judy a contraceptive mint to chew.  "Eat this, itll stop you getting an unexpected pregnancies."

Judy spat the minty sweet out.  "I'm not allowed to use contraceptives, its against my religion."

"Your religions encourages pregnancy and you dont even want to get in any practice?  What sort of religion us that?"

"I'm not having sex with anyone."  Judy shouted.

"Not even those guys?  Chiana pointed to two muscular Luxans.  You can have them both, theyre very enthusiastic in the sack.  They can go for days, long hot steamy sex filled days and the nights are even better."

"They're aliens."  Judy exclaimed.  "If I'm not going to have sex with someone then it wont be with a member of my own species."

"You're so uptight.  You need to get laid, its the only cure."

"I'm not uptight, I'm...wow hes got a great body."  Judy looked, well drooled over, a studly looking guy.

"Not bad, we can share him if you want."

"Eeuw."

"Ok, you go first, you saw him first."

"Id rather go shopping for shoes."

"Fine, be all weird and repressive.  You remind me so much of another guy I knew."

"Another boyfriend?"

"I wish, he was cute, but kind of reminded me too much of Nerri.  That would have been weird, fun, but weird."

"We can max out one of my cards, get in some quality retail therapy."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm wearing everything I own.  I'm not exactly a heavy traveller."

"We can get you a bag.  Judy replied.  Something to fit in make up and a spare change of clothes.  Maybe a gun too, just in case you run into guys who arent so interested in your well being."

"I'm not a gun sort of girl.  They only make you a target for security guards with bigger guns."

"I've got a stun gun you can have."  Judy pulled out the electrocution device from her handbag.  "Twenty thousand volts, can floor a man in a second."  She turned around and shocked the nearest person, who hit the floor hard.  "You see...was that cool or what?"

"Kind of cool, but we'd better get going.  The police around here don't take too kindly to any gangs, never mind a two-girl gang.  They should lighten up more."  Chiana started to walk away from the scene of the crime.  "Will you hurry up?"

"I'm just taking a photograph."  Judy replied.

"Evidence?"  Chiana walked faster, but Judy caught up with her.

"Don't you like just doing stuff?"  Judy asked.  "You know, catching people unawares.  It's something that I call forced evolution.  What doesn't kill you, maim you, give you a disease or an unwanted pregnancy will only make you stronger."

"Are you some sort of mental patient?  You can't just go around attacking people, especially when there's police about."

"Will you relax?  There's nothing wrong with a little fun, besides this thing only stuns.  It's a defensive weapon at best.  It's not powerful enough to kill."

"Still, you cant just hurt innocent people like that?"

"Why not?  Theyre not very important.  Who cares if one or two are slightly inconvenienced?"

"It's just not a very nice thing to do."

"If you're that upset why dont you go and have sex with them, to cheer them up?"

"They're not my type."

"They're not anyone's type.  They're spare people, required only if theres an emergency or a plague that needs people to kill.  They exist only to be hurt or to be killed.  You can try to save them of course, but in the end they are surplus to everyones requirements."

"You're mad."  Chiana backed away.

"No, I'm not."  Judy replied.  "It's a terrible thing to realise that so many people are born, with the sole purpose of dying.  It's terrible, it really is.  However there is nothing we can do about it.  We can pretend it doesnt mean anything, we can pretend that we all have a fate.  Its what we do that defines us, these people do nothing and so they are nothing.  You want to find your brother, do you not?"

"Yes, but I never told you that."

"It's the way your eyes glow when you talk about him.  He means a lot to you.  I imagine a brother would mean a lot to me if I had one.  I have only one person in my life and he's like this really old guy who looks like he's quite young but he's not.  He's wise and intelligent and dangerous.  He gets into trouble when I'm not around.  He's my responsibility I guess.  He'd dress really badly too if I didnt tell him what to wear."

"Nerri needs me."  Chiana replied.  "I want to join the resistance and fight at his side.  Like before.  When we were kids.  Nerri always looked after him, now I have to repay the debt."

"Can you repay a debt he may not want payment for?  Perhaps you have another option?  You are somebody Chiana.  Youre not a no-body like all these sheep.  You are a wolf, a hunter.  You have something important ahead of you."

"Maybe I can frell those guys."  Chiana smiled.  "Look, its been interesting Judy, but youre like a major psycho babe who really needs to get herself laid.  I gotta get going.  I've got to find my brother."

"I understand."  Judy turned and left.

"There goes one messed up person and I know John Crichton."  Chiana shrugged and went off to find those cute guys.

Judy walked over to the Master.  "I did as you asked.  She won't give up looking for her brother, but she knows that she has other options."

"Her brother will cast her aside, claiming that he endangers her and she endangers him.  She will rejoin the others.  The path is reset, the danger avoided.  You have done well Judy.  You may have saved this entire sector of the Universe.  If Earth falls then so does a lot of other planets."

"I don't like it, besides all she's interested in is sleeping around like a super tramp."

"She's young, as are you.  You could explore this planet for a while longer."

"No thanks."  Judy replied.  "I've had enough of this planet.  Besides there's only one man in my life and thats you.  You always get into trouble when I'm not around to look after you."

"I assure you I do not."

"Yes you do."

"When?"

"Last week, those things that look like the giant caterpillars."

"That was sheer luck on their part."

"I saved your life."

"I saved your first and then again afterwards."

"Whos counting?  The point is you need me."

"Dont I know it.  Come on Judy, dont look at those shoes all day, we've got work to do."

Part Two: Chiana & Geokai

Coming soon...ish